February 20, 2011

I have to admit, the last year and a half have not exactly been my best when it comes to being a disciple of Christ. There are so many things that I have let get in the way of serving Him to the fullest. The biggest thing that I have noticed that caused this was my lack of self-care and a conflict in priorities. I have a habit of over-committing myself to things and people and I do not realize that maybe my focus is not in the right place. This weekend, I went to the All-Wesley Retreat for UMC campus ministries and it really put things in perspective for me. You see, I have been placing all of my attention on things that are really not that important. I have been too busy trying to focus on finding things to fill the holes in my life that I should have been filling with God. In order to be a better disciple of Christ, I realized that I have to do a few things to get back on track.

One of the biggest things that I need to do is make time. I definitely have lacked time for myself, let alone God. I have a habit of being really busy. All of the time. It often feels like something terrible would happen if I were to hit the pause button for even a second. This weekend I learned that it really is necessary to hit that pause button. Every single day. You can fill your life with anything, but if you do not also fill it with what really matters and take care of yourself at the same time, what kind of life are you really living? I have not truly been living at all. I have been going through the motions, doing things that fill the time. I have gotten so distracted by everything that has come my way and I have even gone searching for more to distract myself with. It seems I do not know where to cut myself off. This weekend, I deliberately took time to focus on God and to worship him to the fullest. I have not worshiped this hard in a VERY long time. Taking this time for God really helped me realize who I needed to be and what was really important.

The other big thing that I need to do is care for myself. I let myself get rundown on a daily basis. I do not sleep regularly, eat regularly, or relax regularly. When I do not do these things, I cannot function normally and I become even less able to handle the hectic lifestyle that I have made for myself. I have always been told about the importance of self-care, especially by some dear pastor friends, but I have yet to figure out how to do it. I cannot be what God needs me to be if I cannot perform daily tasks that a healthy person should be able to do.

So, coming back from this retreat I am challenging myself to grow. My spirituality has always been a key part of my life, but I let myself become stagnant. It is time for me to grow in my relationship with God and with myself. Anything else will work itself out. I do not need to do everything.

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